i feel like god takes souls when they're ready to meet him
even if the rest of us need 'em.
Monday, May 12, 2008
Sunday, May 11, 2008
nuh uh.
nope girl i aint gonna let you bring me down no way. you can't ruin my day with that sunshine. i'll just think of rain and everything'll be alright.
watch "stardust memories"
i worry far too much about staying in touch. no matter who i'm talking to, in the back of my head i'm fretting about saying something that reveals my ignorance or lack of insight to their worldview or their personal experience. i read the autobiography of malcolm x last year, and as a young white suburban middle class christian raised male, i spent the entirety of the next six months in a mild to extreme state of anxiety about not understanding "the black experience" in the united states. and there seemed to be no legitimate way to go about learning what "the black experience" is, because i'm pretty sure its a myth. i've never really had "a white experience", i dont know what that is. my only white experience is some blend of trying to understand other people and trying to hold on to some shred of my own identity. i dont know what to say or think or feel when i hear elder members of my own family saying things like "well a lot of slaves loved their masters". what do you say to that?
i just have speeches about house negros and field negros running through the back of my head, and i feel some sort of indignation, like i should be playing the black nationalist. and then i consider all the unknown times i've spoken with people more educated or more culturally sensitive than myself, and i've likely said things that have seemed equally short-sighted. and even in the large majority of afro-centric entertainment i've encountered, the character who plays the black nationalist, in touch with his african spiritual roots, citing marcus garvey or w.e.b. dubois or the honorable elijah muhammad (don't mistake me for knowing what any of these people have said, i am definitely just dropping names), it seems they're a peripheral character, and the other characters tell that cat to "shet yo preachin ass up" or something along those lines.
i hear women in my family say things about how a woman shouldnt be president, how they're too emotional, and they're stating it like its a fact, not their own opinion, and i am similarly dumbfounded. lines floating through my head about male-centric development of thought, how these things are lies, how women are equally qualified, and i can't help but look upon these particular relatives as victims of our societal programming. they've been told they are inferior beings to men, or at least "different in nature"....in a way that dictates they not try to hold prominent positions in said society, because as women they are suited for other duties (which are "equally important" in the grand scheme of things....yyyyeah). and they seem to have swallowed it whole.
what do you do? try and "educate" them? a male telling a woman her thoughts are mired in backward oppression? how do i come across then? its not like im some bastion of equality, some flawless specimen of egalitarianism. i have plenty of my own biases, my own bigotry, some i recognize and some not. it's not like i never have racist thoughts or sexist thoughts. they're there too. am i supposed to be ashamed? i dunno. and is it really my business to go around upsetting other people's way of life? to drag them down into my cloud of uncertainty?
a lot of the time i feel that human nature is best suited for tribes, where there would be maybe 30-100 individuals at most, and knowledge of the world would be based on observation. where we could actually "know" the way things are, simply because there wouldn't be so many conflicting opinions, and we could just go about our lives. society wouldn't be large enough to really oppress anyone, because everyone would know everyone and would have to deal with things on a personal level. it would be incredibly difficult to come up with stupid generalizations like "all women are this" or "all men are that". there would always be someone there to say "well which woman are you talking about? susan? ariana?" and in that way bigotry would be difficult to achieve. there would be no concept of race, because everyone would be racially the same.
in my experience, there are so many opposing ways of looking at everything, and no matter how much one tries to educate (her)self anthropologically, there's always going to be someone being left out. even in the absence of psychotropic substances, i'm always uncertain of what reality is. everything's a bias, everyone is simply a filter and a mirror of what they've taken in, no matter how credible the source. no one is unequivocally correct. i guess that could be seen as "the beauty of it". i know the tribal scenario is incredibly flawed, because it results in one-sidedness for every issue. but a lot of times i just wish for simplicity, for sanity, for solidity so i can just go about my business knowing how things really are, even if that foundation is false. as long as i think it's there and there's no one to tell me otherwise, i'm fine.
unfortunately, it seems the great majority of people do have this sort of foundation, and they apply their narrow view to our infinitely multiplicitous world, and it may result in sanity for them, but they just brush off everyone else as "insane".
never let anyone call you insane. "insane" almost invariably means that the person calling you such simply does not understand how you think, and is too lazy to try.
don't get me wrong; i'm grateful i live in such an uncertain world. when it really comes down to it, i'd much rather feel a little confused and conflicted than be "right", and everyone else be "wrong".
i just have to remember to never, under any circumstances, watch network television. or 24-hour cable news programming.
i just have speeches about house negros and field negros running through the back of my head, and i feel some sort of indignation, like i should be playing the black nationalist. and then i consider all the unknown times i've spoken with people more educated or more culturally sensitive than myself, and i've likely said things that have seemed equally short-sighted. and even in the large majority of afro-centric entertainment i've encountered, the character who plays the black nationalist, in touch with his african spiritual roots, citing marcus garvey or w.e.b. dubois or the honorable elijah muhammad (don't mistake me for knowing what any of these people have said, i am definitely just dropping names), it seems they're a peripheral character, and the other characters tell that cat to "shet yo preachin ass up" or something along those lines.
i hear women in my family say things about how a woman shouldnt be president, how they're too emotional, and they're stating it like its a fact, not their own opinion, and i am similarly dumbfounded. lines floating through my head about male-centric development of thought, how these things are lies, how women are equally qualified, and i can't help but look upon these particular relatives as victims of our societal programming. they've been told they are inferior beings to men, or at least "different in nature"....in a way that dictates they not try to hold prominent positions in said society, because as women they are suited for other duties (which are "equally important" in the grand scheme of things....yyyyeah). and they seem to have swallowed it whole.
what do you do? try and "educate" them? a male telling a woman her thoughts are mired in backward oppression? how do i come across then? its not like im some bastion of equality, some flawless specimen of egalitarianism. i have plenty of my own biases, my own bigotry, some i recognize and some not. it's not like i never have racist thoughts or sexist thoughts. they're there too. am i supposed to be ashamed? i dunno. and is it really my business to go around upsetting other people's way of life? to drag them down into my cloud of uncertainty?
a lot of the time i feel that human nature is best suited for tribes, where there would be maybe 30-100 individuals at most, and knowledge of the world would be based on observation. where we could actually "know" the way things are, simply because there wouldn't be so many conflicting opinions, and we could just go about our lives. society wouldn't be large enough to really oppress anyone, because everyone would know everyone and would have to deal with things on a personal level. it would be incredibly difficult to come up with stupid generalizations like "all women are this" or "all men are that". there would always be someone there to say "well which woman are you talking about? susan? ariana?" and in that way bigotry would be difficult to achieve. there would be no concept of race, because everyone would be racially the same.
in my experience, there are so many opposing ways of looking at everything, and no matter how much one tries to educate (her)self anthropologically, there's always going to be someone being left out. even in the absence of psychotropic substances, i'm always uncertain of what reality is. everything's a bias, everyone is simply a filter and a mirror of what they've taken in, no matter how credible the source. no one is unequivocally correct. i guess that could be seen as "the beauty of it". i know the tribal scenario is incredibly flawed, because it results in one-sidedness for every issue. but a lot of times i just wish for simplicity, for sanity, for solidity so i can just go about my business knowing how things really are, even if that foundation is false. as long as i think it's there and there's no one to tell me otherwise, i'm fine.
unfortunately, it seems the great majority of people do have this sort of foundation, and they apply their narrow view to our infinitely multiplicitous world, and it may result in sanity for them, but they just brush off everyone else as "insane".
never let anyone call you insane. "insane" almost invariably means that the person calling you such simply does not understand how you think, and is too lazy to try.
don't get me wrong; i'm grateful i live in such an uncertain world. when it really comes down to it, i'd much rather feel a little confused and conflicted than be "right", and everyone else be "wrong".
i just have to remember to never, under any circumstances, watch network television. or 24-hour cable news programming.
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